


Fry Spell

by LuciferxDamien



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, Surprise Threesome, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 09:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20468873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciferxDamien/pseuds/LuciferxDamien
Summary: Lupin just wants to go out and have fun, with his two best pals, Jigen and Goemon! Jigen and Goemon also want to have some fun, and the only way they might get their fun is if they invite Lupin along…





	Fry Spell

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Shiritori on the [writetomyheart LJ comm](https://writetomyheart.livejournal.com/). My starting words were: _“He laughs, and swipes another fry.”_

“A fry spell? Is that what you think I just said?!” Lupin exhaled, folding his arms across his chest. “You two aren’t even listening to me!” 

“Indeed, you keep prattling on about… What was it you said?” Goemon asked, idly examining Zantetsuken for any damage. 

“A dry spell! I said you two are in a friggin’ dry spell! You need to get laid! That’s what I said!” Lupin hollered and Jigen just shrugged, standing against the wall, hat over his eyes, arms across his chest. 

“Ah…” Goemon whispered. “I think Jigen and I are fine in that respect, Lupin.” 

Jigen cleared his throat, but he didn’t move as Goemon chanced a glance at him. Would they be able to get Lupin out of the room before both of them lost their appetite for the night? 

“Fine?! You two are not fine! You need to get out and have some fun,” Lupin huffed. He meant well but… 

“Really, Lupin. We’re just fine. You go on. We’ll leave the light on for you, even,” Goemon said, and Lupin just huffed again, throwing his arms up in the air. 

“Look at you two! You’re just sitting in here, looking sour and unhappy, how can I just go out and keep the fun all to myself when I know my two best pals are sitting in this dinky room, with no lovely ladies to call their own!” Lupin did that swooning thing, dancing around the room like the fool he was. 

“Uh. It’s… It’s fine, Lupin, really. We’re, uh, we’re tired, you go ahead,” Goemon tried, he just wanted Lupin out so he and Jigen could… 

“No! You need to have sex! It’s good for you, all right?! Are you still a virgin? I don’t even know, because I never see you with a woman, and Jigen over there, when was the last time you were with a woman!” This was starting to cross a line and Goemon had to take a deep breath to bring himself back to his centre. 

“Well,” Jigen sighed. “I’m not gonna lie and say I’ve been with a _woman_ recently, but I’m still not going out with you tonight, Lupin. Just go have fun. Go have fun enough for the three of us or something. You’re burning daylight or midnight or whatever.” 

“C’mon you two, this is just sad. A virgin and, a uh _distinguished_ gentleman should be getting out and having more fun,” Lupin whined some more. Jigen had to have been moments from pulling his gun, and Goemon couldn’t have that. 

“I would just like to state that I am not, in fact, a virgin, Lupin. I’m also fairly certain I have sex more often than you do,” Goemon said, voice flat as he looked directly at Lupin, Jigen snickering quietly. 

“Oh really! Then how come I never see you with a woman?! Or are you just saying that my track record with women is so poor that I don’t get laid that much!” 

“I mean…” Goemon trailed off. 

“And I seriously doubt you have better luck than I do, you’re almost always in our hotel room or safehouse when not actively working on a job and… Oh gross! I don’t count masturbation, Goemon! I meant with a woman, an actual real, living breathing woman!” Lupin was getting louder and Goemon sighed, swiping the polishing rag over Zantetsuken one more time. Calm, deep calming breaths… 

“That’s crass, Lupin. I am in fact talking about a real person, not just my hand. I never said anything about a woman, however.” Had he said too much? Goemon didn’t really care even as heat rose to his cheeks. 

“Wait a minute…” Lupin narrowed his eyes as he came closer, his nose almost against Zantetsuken as he bent over. “You’re not even looking at your damn sword! You’re just sitting here waiting for me to leave and—” Jigen coughed, shifting slightly against the wall. “And Jigen’s doing that cough when he has an erection and he’s trying to hide it, and oh my good god.” Lupin straightened up, hands on his hips. “You two are sleeping together, aren’t you?! You’re just trying to get me out of here so you can go and… I can’t believe you two!” 

“Lupin…” Jigen started, pushing off the wall and he was definitely hard, straining in his slacks. Goemon tried not to stare, swallowing hard, cheeks fully flushed. “Lupin, it’s not a big deal… Goemon and I just—” 

“How long!” Lupin stamped his foot, ever indignant. 

“What?” Jigen looked up, eyes showing for a moment. 

“How long have you two been bedding down?! No wonder you two get along so freaking well, you’re banging!” Lupin huffed, arms across his chest again as he looked away. 

Goemon sighed. “I do not enjoy talking about my intimate life like this. What I do behind closed doors is between me and…” Goemon looked over at Jigen. “And whoever I wish to bed me.” 

Lupin’s expression changed from annoyed to interested and Goemon regretted letting his tongue be loose. “Bed you, huh? Now that _is _interesting…” Lupin grinned and Goemon straightened his back, sliding Zantetsuken back into its sheath; it was safer for everyone that way. “I kinda always figured that Jigen would be a bottom, if he swung that way. He’s always so grumpy and needy…” 

“I am not grumpy and needy!” Jigen said around his cigarette, coming to stand next to Goemon as he growled and huffed. “Just leave! Go get your face scratched up for all I care!” 

“No way, this is more interesting. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before! How long has this been going on, anyway?” Lupin’s eyes were all lit up sparkling and Goemon just sighed. If Lupin didn’t leave soon, then Jigen was going to lose interest in sex for the night and then… 

And then Goemon was really going to get upset. 

“Lupin…” Goemon looked over his shoulder, Jigen was grinding his teeth, cigarette becoming more crumpled. He needed to act fast, to salvage his night with Jigen… “Do you just want to join us tonight?” 

“Works for me, if it’ll get Lupin to shut up!” Jigen threw his hands in the air, heading for the bedroom. 

“All right, all right, I’ll join, but… I get to be the spoiled bottom tonight!” Lupin snickered, rubbing his hands together, clothes already thrown off as he chased after Jigen in his boxers. 

Goemon smiled to himself as he stood up. Lupin really should have thought harder about being submissive to two men he had just spent the last hour annoying…

**Author's Note:**

> Lupin may be a genius, but he’s not very smart when it comes to knowing when to shut up~


End file.
